The recent post about the many things a dog doesn’t understand about his humans brought to mind some questions I still don’t understand about my dogs:
1. All four of you: There is always clean water in the house and outside. Why must you drink out of the toilet?
2. Archer: And why must you drink out of the toilet when I’m sitting down? I almost sat on your head this morning. We won’t talk about the panic that almost caused.
3. Sisko: I know you’re still a puppy and the world is an exciting place. I know you are always ready for whatever we’re going to do next and so you want to be close to me. But please don’t walk on the tops of my feet. The bottoms are made for walking, and I can do that fine all by myself.
4. All four of you: Xena, the Warrior Cat is armed. Well armed. And she’s popped each of you on the nose more than once. So why do you keep trying to herd her like a sheep? You know she’s going to get you again.
5. Riker: The postal carrier comes every day except Sunday. None of the other dogs bark at him so why must you? You know the dogs who are quiet get cookies — even the puppy has figured it out.
6. Bashir: I understand you hate water and drink it only to survive. But once in a while you need a bath – once every six months is fine. So please don’t whine as if I’m killing you during the entire bath. I love you and would never hurt you; you know that.
7. Riker: On the bed I’m sure you’ve noticed that Paul and I sleep in one direction, with our heads one way and our feet the other. Why must you sleep cross ways to us? And then push?
8. All four of you: When did you learn to count? I have to be so careful handing out treats because if it comes out uneven, someone gives me dirty looks. Just wondering.
9. All four of you: Why the intense interest in feces? Rabbit, cat, tortoise, horse, goat….I mean, really:. Just leave it alone.
10: All four of you: When I’m working and all four of you are in my office with me, why must one of you fart? And why does it always seem to be the dog under my desk?
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