It’s been a little over six months since we lost Bliss.
Some of her toys are still here (I’m looking at them now), there’s a big box of unused food and product samples in the garage (they’re headed to a charity, I promise), and I’m still sweeping errant tufts of cottony fluff from corners and under furniture.
I made egg salad today and expected her to come running in when I tapped the eggs on the counter (eggs were her favorite). If I drop a bit of food on the floor, my first thought is still, “Bliss will get that.” I still find myself lunging to close the door when my horrible cooking sets off the smoke detector because she’d tremble for an hour whenever it went off.
I miss her. I go for morning walks, but it seems so stupid. What’s the point of going for a walk without a dog? I’m working from home a lot these days, and there’s no one to talk to, and no fluffball sighing at my feet. And coming in the front door without her telling the whole neighborhood about it just seems… anticlimactic.
Friends and relatives ask me if we’re going to get another dog. I had a dream about a week ago in which my husband asked me to bring the dog in. I started calling for Bliss. He said, “Oh, no, honey. We don’t have her anymore. She died.” He gave me the name of our new dog. I sobbed, “But I don’t know how to call for another dog!” Clearly, I haven’t finished grieving for her and I’m apparently not ready for another dog.
I’ve received some very nice emails advising me to consider starting this blog again. You all are very kind. But the thing is, I don’t have a dog. I’m not a pet owner any longer. I don’t buy dog products, I don’t look at pet blogs, I don’t walk down the pet supply aisles in grocery stores. So really, how qualified am I to continue this blog? How compelling is it for you to read a site called “My Dog Bliss” if there is no Bliss?
But when the site came up for renewal a couple of weeks ago, I renewed it. And I’m here throwing words on a page for whomever might see it. And I know, someday, I’ll get another dog. I can’t imagine life without one.
But for now, I don’t know how to call for another dog.
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