My dog’s testicles are not why your dog doesn’t listen to you

So, here’s a true story.

I’m standing at the water fountain at the entrance to a San Francisco dog park, giving my Scottish Deerhound, Rawley, a drink. We’re right next to the parking lot.

A Lab mix comes flying across the field, a distance of around two city blocks.

The owner of the Lab mix runs toward us from the other end of the field, shouting, “Arden! Come! Right now! Come! Get over here! Arden! I mean it! RIGHT NOW! Come! Stop it! Leave him alone….”

Her voice becomes more breathless because she’s shouting and running; her dog has been ignoring her all along in favor of giving all his attention to Rawley.

“I told you to come…” she continued.

I’d snapped on Rawley’s leash when I saw the owner had no control of her dog. He’d already had his walk, so he was quiet.

The Lab mix started out okay, but as he sniffed Rawley, he became a little more assertive. He went up on the balls of his feet. He stood straighter. If he’d been human, I’d have said he narrowed his eyes. Maybe he did.

I moved away, toward my car, Rawley with me.

The Lab mix jumped on Rawley and tried to hump him.

I moved away, but the Lab mix jumped down, then back on.

His breathless owner finally arrived, and took a look at the situation — i.e., my dog doing nothing whatsoever, her dog running away from her, ignoring everything she said, and then bothering my leashed, quiet dog in a really annoying way. What do you suppose she says?

“Oh! He’s intact!” Then she glares at me. “Why isn’t he neutered yet?”

You know what, lady? My dog’s testicles are not your dog’s “get out of jail free” card for running away from you, ignoring your commands, and hassling another dog.

Cutting off my dog’s testicles will not miraculously turn your dog’s hearing back on. Nor is sniffing my intact dog’s Very Special Scent the only irresistible activity your dog will ever wish to engage in against your wishes. I mean, what if Rawley had been on the other side of a busy road?

In short, the problem is not my dog’s balls. The problem is you, and the fact that your dog is not trained.

This happened not long before Christmas. Since then, I had Rawley neutered, primarily to make his life in this city full of untrained dogs and their obnoxious owners a bit more pleasant for him. I have a lot of regrets about doing it, and if he has health problems because of it, I know I’ll have a hard time forgiving myself, but I didn’t see too much choice at the time.

And it definitely did reduce the number of dogs who find Rawley’s mere presence at the park to be cause for mayhem down to manageable levels (although not to zero, because apparently the fact that he’s way bigger than they are is also an issue).

I know it’s a dream I’ll never see come true, but you know what I’d like?

A world where people socialize their dogs around both intact and altered dogs, so dogs understand this is something normal in the canine universe they inhabit. Because people acting as if the parts our dogs are born with are a disease or a badge of irresponsible pet ownership is my least favorite thing about modern American dog culture.

/futile

Photo: Rawley: “See how good I am?”

View the original article here

Mother-in-Law Won’t Listen

August 25, 2009

I cannot stop my mother in law feeding my dogs, as we work together and the dogs come to work with me every day. She feeds them sandwiches under her desk. I have asked her to stop but she takes no notice.

One of my dogs has allergies and I like to keep my eye on what he eats. She still will not listen if I tell her to stop. She will say he is not allergic to food and the vet is talking crap. Sometimes, our dogs stay with her and when we get them back, they act like they don’t want to be with us. In fact, Charlie our male dog, growls at me if I pick him up or stroke him.

I have had arguments with her regarding these problems, but she thinks I don’t know what I’m talking about. She treats them like human babies. I think she likes it that the dogs don’t like me. Can you help me please? Any advice is welcome.

Wit’s End

United Kingdom

Dear Reader,

There are several things going on here. One is that your mother-in-law doesn’t respect you. She overrules you on matters that you alone have authority over. I would have a talk with her and ask her why she does it. She may brush you off at first and deny there’s a problem, but persist. Without anger, ask her why she ignores your decisions about your dogs’ diet, as well as the advice of your veterinarian. Depending on how badly her treats impact your dogs’ allergies, think about not bringing them to work with you. If not bringing them to work is not an option for you, provide some treats that your dogs can enjoy and ask your mother-in-law to feed them those treats. Or confine the dogs to an area where they cannot get to your mother-in-law’s desk for sandwiches. I knew one person who tied a long leash around his waist at the office, and clipped the other end to his dog’s collar. The dog had to go everywhere with him. After a few weeks, he took off the leash and the dog stayed by his side, never left his office, and didn’t wander around anymore. It might work. It might also make a point.

As far as the dogs acting like they’re not happy to see you, don’t take it personally. Dogs don’t live in the future or the past the way humans do. You should, however, seek the help of a
trainer to deal with the dominance displayed by Charlie when you try to pick him up or stroke him. It could be that he dominates your mother-in-law while you’re away and he needs a reminder when you return. But dogs can grasp the concept of different relationships with different people, so some training might help. If your mother-in-law enjoys the fact that your dogs are not overjoyed to see you, that’s spiteful. You should address that with her, also.

You may not get anywhere by talking to her, but you may make a point on another level. Imagine that you’re your mother-in-law. You engage in these little passive-aggressive behaviors to get a rise out of your daughter-in-law. You’re creating a problem for her. But what would happen if, every time you do, she comes to you and you have to have this big talk about it. The fact that she’s passive-aggressive tells me she wants to avoid confrontation. If she has an uncomfortable conversation with you every time she does something like that, now it’s her problem, not yours. I’ve done this and it really works. Don’t be angry or dramatic. Just be serious and thorough. Look her in the eye. Ask her to answer your questions instead of brushing them off. Don’t let her get out of it quickly or easily. Tell her you really want to understand her point of view. She’ll tire of that quickly and stop triggering it. Give it a try.

By the way, where is your husband in all this? If he won’t stand up to mommy now, he never will. Ask him to talk with her, too.

- L 

Entry filed under: Dog Etiquette. Tags: .

View the original article here

Mother-in-Law Won’t Listen

August 25, 2009

I cannot stop my mother in law feeding my dogs, as we work together and the dogs come to work with me every day. She feeds them sandwiches under her desk. I have asked her to stop but she takes no notice.

One of my dogs has allergies and I like to keep my eye on what he eats. She still will not listen if I tell her to stop. She will say he is not allergic to food and the vet is talking crap. Sometimes, our dogs stay with her and when we get them back, they act like they don’t want to be with us. In fact, Charlie our male dog, growls at me if I pick him up or stroke him.

I have had arguments with her regarding these problems, but she thinks I don’t know what I’m talking about. She treats them like human babies. I think she likes it that the dogs don’t like me. Can you help me please? Any advice is welcome.

Wit’s End

United Kingdom

Dear Reader,

There are several things going on here. One is that your mother-in-law doesn’t respect you. She overrules you on matters that you alone have authority over. I would have a talk with her and ask her why she does it. She may brush you off at first and deny there’s a problem, but persist. Without anger, ask her why she ignores your decisions about your dogs’ diet, as well as the advice of your veterinarian. Depending on how badly her treats impact your dogs’ allergies, think about not bringing them to work with you. If not bringing them to work is not an option for you, provide some treats that your dogs can enjoy and ask your mother-in-law to feed them those treats. Or confine the dogs to an area where they cannot get to your mother-in-law’s desk for sandwiches. I knew one person who tied a long leash around his waist at the office, and clipped the other end to his dog’s collar. The dog had to go everywhere with him. After a few weeks, he took off the leash and the dog stayed by his side, never left his office, and didn’t wander around anymore. It might work. It might also make a point.

As far as the dogs acting like they’re not happy to see you, don’t take it personally. Dogs don’t live in the future or the past the way humans do. You should, however, seek the help of a
trainer to deal with the dominance displayed by Charlie when you try to pick him up or stroke him. It could be that he dominates your mother-in-law while you’re away and he needs a reminder when you return. But dogs can grasp the concept of different relationships with different people, so some training might help. If your mother-in-law enjoys the fact that your dogs are not overjoyed to see you, that’s spiteful. You should address that with her, also.

You may not get anywhere by talking to her, but you may make a point on another level. Imagine that you’re your mother-in-law. You engage in these little passive-aggressive behaviors to get a rise out of your daughter-in-law. You’re creating a problem for her. But what would happen if, every time you do, she comes to you and you have to have this big talk about it. The fact that she’s passive-aggressive tells me she wants to avoid confrontation. If she has an uncomfortable conversation with you every time she does something like that, now it’s her problem, not yours. I’ve done this and it really works. Don’t be angry or dramatic. Just be serious and thorough. Look her in the eye. Ask her to answer your questions instead of brushing them off. Don’t let her get out of it quickly or easily. Tell her you really want to understand her point of view. She’ll tire of that quickly and stop triggering it. Give it a try.

By the way, where is your husband in all this? If he won’t stand up to mommy now, he never will. Ask him to talk with her, too.

- L 

Entry filed under: Dog Etiquette. Tags: .

View the original article here