Riker was the first. Almost immediately he climbed up onto Paul’s spot on the sofa and curled into a little ball. He wouldn’t move for hours at a time, and I would have to pull/push him off the sofa and walk him outside. But that only lasted a couple of days. Then his therapy dog heart kicked in. Apparently all these people were coming to our house so he could love them. That finished his grieving.
I don’t believe Bashir was grieving for Paul at all. Rather Bashir was devastated because I was. When I could take a deep breath and calm myself he did too. But for two weeks he hasn’t allowed me out of his sight when he had any control of the situation. If he had opposable thumbs I would never ever be out of his sight.
Sisko earned his therapy dog stripes these past two weeks. At the worst of my grief, he stayed close, tried to take it all from me, and licked away the tears. Whereas so many puppies his age might have been worried or frightened, he stayed close.
Sisko’s protective instincts also kicked in at the same time, though. No one was going to touch me, hug me, or even get close if he had anything to say. Since I needed and wanted any and all hugs, we did have a discussion about those protective instincts. He’s still rumbling under his breath but that’s okay; he’s learning.
Archer didn’t react right away. But Paul often took business trips without Archer so a few days away from home weren’t too unusual. All the excitement, tears,and visitors didn’t bother Archer too much at first either. He’s bomb-proof and changes don’t upset him normally.
However, three to four days after Paul’s death, I would turn around and see three dogs but not the fourth. Archer would be up on the bed on Paul’s pillow. Then, after a couple more days, I would find Archer in Paul’s closet. He had pulled some clothes off the hangers, including Paul’s bathrobe, and was lying on them.
In addition, Archer began having moments that I could only call frantic. He would come to me, stare at me deep into my eyes, cry, poke me with his nose, and try desperately to communicate with me. I knew what he wanted, I knew what he was trying to say, but I couldn’t help him. I couldn’t bring Paul back.
At Kindred Spirits, we have two men who help us part time in the classes – Jeff and Rich. When either of these guys walked into the yard, Archer would rush to them — without even looking back at me. He wanted some male companionship. So Jeff has spent a lot of time with Archer, walking him, playing with him, and working him.
In addition, Kate has been trying to channel Paul — copying his way of working Archer — and having Archer work for her. Kate also handled Archer at Paul’s memorial and he was calm with her. Wearing his service dog vest, his mind was in working mode and that steadied him. Other than when he snatched a peanut butter cookie from the minister’s hand, that is.
Unfortunately, when I see Archer so devastated I want to love him. I want to fix his hurt. But that’s not what he wants or needs. So keeping him well exercised physically and working his brain seem to be the best medicine at the moment.
Remember that saying that has been so popular, “It takes a village to raise a child’? Well, perhaps it takes a dog training village to alleviate a grieving dog’s heartbreak.
Photo credit: Paul and Archer. Photo by Liz Palika
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